September 2021 Issue

EAST COAST EQUESTRIAN September 2021 Page 35 Go ahead... Ask da Mare By Malorie de la Mare Dear Mal… There’s a young kid (maybe 15 or so) who boards his horse at the same barn where my horse lives. He seems nice and has always been friendly. This is his first horse, and—to be kind— he’s not a very good rider. My friends and I were surprised that someone so inexperienced would buy a horse; actually someone inexperienced but with parents who apparently indulge him. It took me years to work out the financial part of horse owner- ship—and that doesn’t even take the actual riding lessons and experience into consideration! Despite his inexperience in the saddle, he never seems to run out of “sage” advice about how we could provide better care for our horses. Mostly I try to ignore him, but sometimes it’s really difficult to do that, especially when his parents stay at the barn to watch him ride. Then his horse-care tips flow like water from a burst dam. I’ve tried to make eye contact with his par- ents during these deluges, to see if they realize what a pest he is, but they usually just beam with pride at sonny-boy. I don’t want the kid to be the laughingstock of the barn, but my friends and the other boarders have resort- ed to just mocking him. What do you think I should do? I’ve always prided myself on my ability to get along with people, but this kid is really getting to me. -Patience Running Out Dear Patience… So much going on under the surface here…Let’s begin at the end, shall we? You note that you can get along with people, but your patience is running out with this inept, entitled, blab- bermouth. I’m going to make a bet that you’re feeling a bit torn between your friends who are fond of mocking the kid and your own “better angels” who are urging you to try something different. You don’t want the kid to become a laughing- stock. You’ve tried “making eye contact” with his indulgent parents, hoping that will rouse them from their adoration of their son to the reality that he’s a “pest.” Kids—especially young teens—are prone to doing stuff that lots of adults find irritating. Not to make this all about me, but once at a family picnic, I was trapped in a corner by a Boarders Mock Teen Know-It-All teenager who spent 15 minutes explaining to me what a bee sting felt like, versus a hornet sting. What fascinated me was how enthusiastic the kid was. So, he was not stalking me and offering me incessant advisories about horse care. But I think the kid you’re dealing with is trying to fit into a situation in which he feels a bit out of his depth. He arrives at the barn, surrounded by adults who are good riders, and who are obviously friendly with one another. He doesn’t have a playbook for this, and he suspects that many of the people at the barn are making fun of him. He’s a kid, and is probably more tuned into slights from peers and others than you think. So, he retreats to his repertoire of horsey facts to establish what he believes is common ground. What do you suppose would happen if you took 10 or 15 minutes to sit down with “sonny-boy,” to find out about him? How did he get involved with horses? Where does he go to school? How did he find the horse he brought to the barn? Does he have siblings? By all means, don’t let your friends turn this kid into a laughing- stock. He doesn’t deserve it, and you’re better than that. So, reach out to the kid, get to know him, help him feel more comfortable in the place where you find so much joy. Listen to your con- science. It’s a great resource! Have a question for Mal? Email her at PAEquest@aol. com. Visit us online at www.eastcoastequestrian.net