June/July 2023 Issue

Page 30 June/July 2023 EAST COAST EQUESTRIAN Go ahead... Ask da Mare EVENTS HORSES FARMS MISC. FREE Print subscribers get FREE classifieds! Print subscribers get FREE non-commercial classified ads! Just email your non-commercial (events, horses/trailers/tack for sale, boarding/lessons/ training etc.) classified, 35 words or less to steph@eastcoastequestrian.net . Be sure to include your name and mailing address as it appears on your sub- scription label. (Not a print subscriber? Sign up online at eastcoastequestri- an.net .) Classifieds can run in more than one issue but must be resubmitted each month. Deadline is the 12th of the month before publication. Coping with Bottomless Rage By Malorie de la Mare Dear Mal… Recently I was invited to a horse show at a local barn. My friend’s daughter was going to compete and she invited me to go with her to watch. I had always heard that horses like carrots and apples, and so I cut some up and took them with me to the show. My friend and I were walking through the barn, and horses were sticking their heads out of the stalls watching all the activity. I went up to one of the horses, patted its head and offered it a carrot. Yikes! You would have thought I tried to poison it. A woman who was talking to a group of people suddenly screamed at me to leave her horse alone. She said I had some nerve trying to give her horse a carrot. I get it that I should have asked someone about whether I could give the horse a carrot. But here’s the thing. This barn is a lesson barn. The horses are owned by the owner of the barn. She came out of the office when she heard the screamer and escorted the woman away. I was practically in tears. The barn owner came over to me, apologized, and invited me to give any horse in the barn a treat. I gave her the bag of carrots and apples and told her she could give them to the horses. My friend was stunned and apologet- ic. We went into the arena and stood along the rail, watching the show in silence. Does this stuff happen at barns? If so, how do people—and the horses that have to listen to all that emotion—put up with it? -Still Stunned Dear Still Stunned… I can imagine how horrible this situation was for you—not to mention for the poor horse that had his eye on that carrot! It seems that everywhere you look, people are indulging their rage. It’s almost as if there were a new epidemic—bottomless rage—af- flicting our country. To begin, I know you know this, but it’s never okay for someone to start screaming at another person— unless it’s a warning to watch out for the car that’s speeding through the intersection. And the fact that this woman decided the horse you were being nice to was her personal horse is evidence of something else going on. Who knows what demons that person was fighting that day? You were basically collateral damage, and I’m sorry that her loss of self-control ruined what might have been a fun day. But think about that woman, and how pro- foundly miserable she must be. What would make anyone—let alone a seemingly adult human being—lash out so meanly to a perfect stranger? With any luck, you won’t experience this type of situation again; but in case it does happen again, be grateful that you’re the target of the bad behavior and not the initiator. In the meantime, wish the lady well and hope that she gets some help in dealing with her pain. Dear Mal… My heart is breaking for my 9 year-old son. He has been taking riding lessons for about a year at a barn where he seemed to be truly happy. He has made friends with the other kids in his class, and they all cheer for each other and celebrate each other’s achievements. There is a lounge at the barn, where the parents gather for coffee and talking while the kids are in their lesson. The lounge is soundproof, so we watch but can’t actually hear what’s going on. Last week, this wonderful picture was destroyed. As we watched the kids practice flying lead changes, one of the kids fell off his pony. Fortunately he wasn’t hurt—physically—but the instructor began to berate him, tell him he was stupid, that the other kids were better riders, etc. By the time we all got to the indoor, most of the kids were crying and the little boy who fell was absolutely destroyed. The instructor was holding the pony and telling the kid to get back on. We didn’t hear all the things the instructor said—my son told me, through his tears. At that point, the class was effectively over and the instructor told the kids he would take care of the ponies. We got into the car, and my little boy was holding his bag of apple pieces. He cried even more when he said his pony wouldn’t know that he had the apples for him. I persuaded him to go back into the barn with me so he could kiss his pony and give him the apples. The instructor was in the barn aisle, untacking the horses. He looked right past me and told my son to just put the apples in the food bucket. I was seething, angry and thought that if I said anything, it would be a string of obscenities and it would not be good for my son to see. So I bit my tongue, walked with my son to his pony and encouraged him to kiss him and feed him a couple of apple pieces before putting the rest in the food bucket. He says he doesn’t ever want to go back to the barn, then cries that he’ll never see his beloved pony again. Looking back, I know I should have handled this differently. But I didn’t. Now I just think of that day with a mixture of anger, regret and profound sadness. What do you think? Is it too late to salvage this? -Sad Mom Dear Sad Mom… Life comes at you at a gallop sometimes, and we’re not always prepared for the stuff that gets dropped at our feet. Here is some- thing you need to do right now: stop beating yourself up! And give your son a giant hug. Then, talk to him about all of the bad things that happened that day. Let him fill in any of the gaps in your understanding of the instruc- tor’s behavior. Encourage him to explore some of the possible reasons why the instructor went off the rails. Was the instructor’s behavior totally unexpected? Let him talk about the things he loved about the riding les- sons, the ponies and his riding friends. Giving him the latitude to explore all of this will give him some control over the situation. Encourage him to help you for- mulate a plan of action. Should you discuss this situation with the barn management? What would happen if you brought the other parents and kids together to talk about what happened? It’s im- portant for kids to see that there are ways—calm, empowering, sensible—to confront what seem to be insoluble problems. And these strategies reinforce your son’s belief that he’s capable of making a difference. I think one of the most important lessons for your son is to recognize that each of us—kids and adults—has both the responsibility and the right to stand up to the kind of injustice he witnessed that day. Sadly the world’s history is littered with examples of horrific tragedies that occurred because people who could have spoken up, didn’t. While it’s true that your son’s riding lessons are not on the same scale as some of history’s greatest tragedies, it’s also true that he has an opportunity to learn that he’s more courageous than he thinks, and that he has more power than he thinks. I hope your son and his friends go back to the barn, and the instructor regains his compo- sure and that they all get to hug and kiss their ponies and spoil them with apples and carrots. The trail from the heartbreak your son and his friends experienced to the resolution may look rough, but you all owe it to each other to take the first steps. Good luck! Have a question for Mal? Email her at PAEquest@aol. com. Sept. 16 SADDLIN' UP for BREAST CANCER Trail Ride with lunch, raffles, Silent Auction, All Pinked Out Parade, and lots of prizes...camping available at the Tuckahoe Equestrian Center...all proceeds benefit The Red Devils. jacquiecowan@comcast.net / 410-215-4979 /tuckahoeequestrian center.com ./events. Save The Date: Second Annual Avon Driving Park Pleasure Driving Show, Avon NY. July 29 & 30, 2023. A Traditional Antique Carriage Show with Sunday Presentation Parade Drive. Find forms and prize list this spring at www.wnycca.org Making Strides shows at Breezy Run Farm, Church Hill, MD: June 10 and July 29. July show features Dover Saddlery jumper classics. Shows are Colonial Classic qualifiers, USHJA Outreach and TIP. Info: FB: MakingStridesShowSeries- www.breezyrunfarm.com FOR RENT: 8 Stall Barn with finished loft in Pike County, PA. Easy highway access. Ideal for PA breeding or retirement activi- ties. Phone/wifi included, you pay electric. Ample trailer parking. Please call (570) 906-1909. TRAINING: Westfield Farm LLC, Tailored for horse and owner. ALL Breeds and disciplines. We will make your trail horse safe or a winning show horse. More info at Westfieldfarmllc.com or CALL 717-432-2828. We get results! 17.66 acres zoned for horse farm. Vacant land. Nice view. Southern exposure. Woods and fields. Centrally located between Harris- burg, New York city, Poconos, and Philadelphia near Nazareth, PA, part of our larger farm. $495,000. (610) 533-5200 Omega Horse Rescue located in Airville, PA has a variety of horses and ponies ready for their forever homes! Please visit our website to see pictures, videos and how you can help! www.omegahorserescue.com . Better than right off the track! The PTHA's Turning for Home, Inc. al- ways has OTTBs that are properly rehabbed, retrained and ready for their new carteers. Find your next horse at www.turningforhome.org or call 215-808-7562. Welsh section B youngstock available. Long time breeder no longer keeping any youngstock back for replacements. GlanNant bloodlines. lester@ckt.net 620-857-4331 Join the Wilmington Hobby Horse Club! We’re a fun-loving group that mimics the movements of horseback riding, jumping and dressage with stick horses! All ages welcome! Follow us on Ins- tagram WHHCDE and Facebook. ?s WHHCDE@GMAIL.COM Carriages For Sale: 1997 Mill Run Sporting Phaeton Single Horse Dressage/Cones $5,000 OBO. 1999 Kuhnle Single Horse Marathon Carriage, $2,500 OBO. Located in Chesapeake City, MD. Unicorn6855@yahoo.com, 410-755-6855. CATS: Barn homes in Bucks, Chester, and Montgomery Counties, PA. are needed to give rescued strays a chance at life. Cats are neutered, microchipped, and vaccinated; delivered and acclimated. Fill out an application to adopt at StrayCatBlues.org or call 215-631-1851. Collegiate Convertible English Saddle. Brand new. Girth included. 17 inch seat. Located in the Mohrsville, PA area. Cash pickup only. $550.00. 610-823-7935. Package Deal. Western Saddle & girth. Aluminum Roping Bit - 1960s. Water Buckets 1 Flat back heated never used 1 "non-icing" insulated. New Hay Net. Dog nail trimmer, new Reflective Dog Boots 2" medium. Call or Text 412-860-0917 Barn cats looking for jobs! Fully vetted, no fee, hard working cats. We deliver—PA, MD, DE, NJ. Contact us! (215) 219-8148 or info@forgottencats.org . Don't Miss the August Issue of East Coast Equestrian! To advertise please contact Phyllis or Debbie at (717) 509-9800. www.eastcoastequestrian.net With a special feature: Fall Fix-up Deadline: July 11