June 2020 Issue

Page 24 June 2020 EAST COAST EQUESTRIAN Go ahead...Ask da Mare Don't Miss the July 2020 Issue With our Annual Special Feature on Trailers & Transport To advertise or for more information, please contact: Phyllis or Debbie at (717) 509-9800  www.eastcoastequestrian.net Advertising Deadline: June 12 By Malorie de la Mare Dear Mal… I’ve recently become engaged to a wonderful man. We’re really in love and thrilled by the future we’re carving out for ourselves. Happy, happy, happy….except for a few things. I have a small farm (inherited from my grandparents, who maintained it and always planned to leave it to me), with horses. My fiancée and I want to make our wedding something that reflects our love of horses and the sweet “pack” of dogs on the farm. MIL Objects to Horses at Wedding There’s a beautiful space near the barn where we want to have the ceremony; and the indoor would be perfect for a reception. So far, so good. We want to “arrive” on horseback. Here is where my fian- cée’s mother is drawing the line. She says horses are fine in the barn, but not at a wedding. Since my fiancée and I are paying for all this, we don’t want to change our plans; but we also don’t want to totally offend his mother. She has known how we got together because of our love of horses and dogs, and that these critters will always be big parts of our lives. He’s not an only child, but I am; and my parents are really excited about our plans. I don’t want this to be a horrible beginning to our marriage. But I also want our day to be the day we have in our hearts. Help? -Heartache Dear Heartache… Your plans seem beautiful, but I am a notorious outlier in many things. So, let’s figure this thing out so we can avoid squashing anybody’s dream of the perfect wedding. To begin, the marriage of two people invariably represents a break of sorts, from the past, from the parents, from all the things that used to define the ways people live. Your future mother-in-law clearly has an issue with horses being part of the ceremony, and one can imagine what’s going through her head: horses pooping at will, horses freaking out because they’re seeing things in the assembled crowd of celebrants. Let’s be honest. These things are possible—but not neces- sarily likely. Your future mother- in-law wants some sort of warranty that her friends won’t be subjected to something a bit too…bucolic… yes? So, perhaps you should (with your fiancée, of course) bring mother-in-law to the farm to meet the horses, see them as delightful and potentially wonderful wedding guests. Bring her into the planning, identifying a couple of things she could coordinate. Show her how important the horses and the dogs are to you and her son. Invite her to share some of the details of her wedding, and any hiccups that she had to navigate. Ask her if there are specific objections she has about the horses and dogs. There is a blurry bottom line in this drama. You want your future husband’s mother to enjoy the day as much as you will. You want your wedding to be the wedding you and your fi- ancée want it to be—it will be your memories, after all, that you will embrace as the years go on. Your mother-in-law and any friends who may be upset by the horses will go on to other adventures as the years go by and your wedding may not always be the most important event in their lives. You and your fiancée are paying for this shindig. It’s your day. Not hers. Let her know that you want her to enjoy your day, and that it really is your day. Good luck! Dear Mal... As we’ve just gone through the great Daylight Saving Time clock change, I’ve been won- dering a few things. First, we only have to deal with an hour of either losing sleep (in spring) or gaining sleep (in the fall). I’m a new horse person and am some- what of a worry-wort about my horse. He goes from day turnout in the winter to night turnout in the spring and summer. Do you think he undergoes any kind of mental or sleep disruption as his turnout changes? I understand that the night turnout makes it less likely he’ll be pestered by bugs, but he’ll also be less likely to suffer from heat and humidity. Do you think that snoozing in his stall during the day has any im- pact on his “mental health”? Are there things I should watch for? -Worried Dear Worried… Let’s start with something that has probably not occurred to you. Horses have been on the planet for thousands of years, and they’ve figured out how to do the stuff they need to do in order to be such successful animals. Obviously, though, once humans got involved, some of the routines horses had es- tablished for themselves changed. Sleep, however, is likely not one of them. According to several studies on horses and sleep, horses don’t require the amount of sleep we humans do. They can actually doze while standing, and they do that several times a day. They also have a few periods of deep sleep, where they lie down. Now, they don’t need to be in their stalls to lie down and sleep. So even when your horse is on night turnout, he’s probably sleeping out in the pasture. Sometimes, horses are turned out in big groups and there’s a sort of “pecking” order. And if there’s limited space where a large group of horses are turned out, it might be difficult for the horse at the low end of the hierarchy to get the deep sleep he needs. If your horse is turned out in a big group on a small pasture, you may need to watch for signs that he’s not getting enough sleep. Those signs are basically fatigue and irritability, or even going into deep sleep while standing up—which results in the horse sort of falling over. There is a growing body of research about horses’ sleep habits and needs, though. If your horse’s behavior has not changed, and if he’s not showing signs of fatigue, he’s prob- ably getting the sleep and down time he needs. Next time your vet visits, though, you might ask him or her about the issues that worry you most. It’s good to be concerned about your horse—he depends on you for his care and to be his most powerful advocate. But don’t let worry rob you of the joy of being part of your horse’s life. Have a question for Mal? Email her at PAEquest@aol.com. The news East Coast horse owners need to know Remember...tell our advertisers you found them in East Coast Equestrian!