December 2021/January 2022 Issue

Page 24 December 2021/January 2022 EAST COAST EQUESTRIAN Go ahead...Ask da Mare By Malorie de la Mare Dear Mal… My fiancé is a wonderful, kind, generous person…and a horse lover! We’re planning a Spring 2022 wedding, and this is our first Christmas as an engaged couple. I know, it sounds like I’m a little goofy about this, but my heart is so full of love and joy. I want to do something really special for him for Christmas and am hoping you will either talk me off the ledge or salute my amazing idea. I want to buy my fiancé a horse…true. A horse! He has been leasing a horse at a local barn for about a year and enjoys the freedom he has. He can ride the horse whenever he wants, doesn’t need to ask permission, or schedule a ride, etc. We both have good jobs, and I know the financial end of horse ownership wouldn’t be a problem for us. So, I’ve been asking around, and someone I know has a friend who is selling a horse. The horse is about eight years old, and the person who is selling the horse says he is sound and well-be- haved. The owner is selling the horse for less than $5,000, which seems like a bargain to me. So, the key issue here is that I don’t know much about hors- es—although I love watching my fiancé ride, and he has often talk- Can I Buy Him a Horse for Christmas? ed about how he would love to have his own horse someday. Do you think I’m considering doing something really…unwise? Or would it be the perfect Christmas present for this wonderful man? -Starry-eyed Dear Starry… To begin, congratulations on your engagement! It sounds like you and your future husband are both very lucky. Also, I can’t tell you how uplifting it was for me to read that your heart is full of love and joy…so few people seem to be experiencing such joy these days. Your joy is really contagious! Now, let’s get to the heart of your question. Should you buy your fiancé a horse? The answer: no. I don’t want to burst your bubble, or to demean the truly generous and kind idea you have. But there are way too many potential problems here, the first one being, does he want a horse now? And the person who is selling the horse may be a very nice person, but his horse may not be a good match for your fiancé. The horse may be a trail horse when what your fiancé wants is a horse for show or for hunting or for Dressage. Then there are the ongoing expenses, from hoof care to veterinary care, from boarding to training—it adds up quickly. Your fiancé, if he wants to take on the many responsibilities and expenses involved in the care and feeding of a horse, should be the one to shop for a horse. It’s not as if you were buying him a bike or a car or some other in- animate object. As you two plan your wedding, it’s likely you’ll also plan for the adventures that lie ahead. That is the time when you might want to talk about whether he would like to have a horse of his own. He may want to push that opportunity further into the future. You and your fiancé are just beginning what I hope will be a wonderful, ex- citing journey. Enjoy these days of planning and anticipation and don’t complicate the joy unnec- essarily. Dear Mal… Call me a Scrooge, because that’s what I’m beginning to feel like. Looking ahead to the holidays, all I am thinking about are the gifts I’ve given to my nieces and nephews over the years. They never respond to say, “thank you.” No notes, no emails, no phone calls. It’s really kind of aggravating and sad. My husband and I don’t have children, and we don’t get to see the nieces and nephews often; so maybe they don’t think acknowledging gifts is a priority. One time I asked my brother about this, and he said that this is the way young people are these days. Is that true? I always thought that gratitude and manners are important values— important to families, to employ- ers and to communities. Writing this down, I feel like such a fuddy-duddy. And I think it’s wrong for me to plan Christmas gifts with such negative feelings about the people for whom I’m buying them. There are several charitable organizations that are important to my husband and me—especially equine rescue and care organizations. We are considering making donations to those organizations in the names of our nieces and nephews. (We usually do this in our horse’s name!) This way, the kids will know we’re thinking about them, but we will know that our gifts to these organizations will be appre- ciated. What do you think? -Scrooge-ish Dear Not Scrooge-ish at all! You have raised the ques- tions that have been dogging parents, aunts, uncles, grand- parents and family friends for years. The key issues here are: what is a gift, and what is the appropriate response to a gift? If you believe—as I do—that a gift represents a person’s sincere affection for the giftee, then there should not be any disap- pointment or recrimination if the giftee fails to acknowledge it. The lack of response has no impact on the value of the gift or on the sentiment with which it was given. Sad. But let’s get to the second question. What is the appropriate response to a gift? At bare minimum, the response should be a phone call saying thanks. Zero acknowledgement is inappropriate, regardless of the fact that your brother believes rudeness is the current fashion. While it is true that you have no role in the upbringing of your nieces and nephews, you do have a stake in what kinds of citizens they ultimately become, as we all do. This, I think, can be that dreaded “teachable moment.” I like the idea of a charitable contribution in the names of your nieces and nephews. Add to that a letter to each of them, letting them know that you’ve made this donation, and why the charity you choose means so much to you. Include in your letter the website for the charity and invite them to learn more about the work the organization does. And by all means, tell your nieces and nephews what they mean to you, sincerely. You might include some anecdotes about what Christmas was like for you and your siblings—their parents. A compassionate, sincere, kind let- ter may linger in their memories long after the holidays. Perhaps they won’t respond; but I believe your words and your commit- ment to the charity you choose might inspire them. Have a question for Mal? Email her at PAEquest@aol. com. To advertise or for more information, please call (717) 509-9800 . www.eastcoastequestrian.net Coming up in the February issue of East Coast Equestrian! Reach our 38,000+ readers as they prepare their farms for the riding and training season. Barns, Arenas & Footing Feature Advertising Deadline: January 5, 2022 Barn, arena and footing related adver- tisers who take a ¼ page ($374) or larg- er ad will receive a FREE article about their products or services, written by our award-winning staff. An additional 8,000 people will read the digital issue online with hot links to your website! All feature advertisers receive FREE social media on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter! Your barn-related ad and article – with links – will be on our website for one year!! We receive over 8,000 web visitors a month!!