April 2020 Issue

By Malorie de la Mare Dear Mal… This really happened, and I’m just…well…stunned. May- be you can help me understand and respond to this in a way that doesn’t kill a friendship. I went away for a two-week vacation, and a friend of mine asked me if she could ride my horse a couple of times while I was away. She’s a good rider, and knows my horse, and had even ridden him several times. I thought it would be good for my horse and for her, so I said yes. Enthusiastically. She texted me once to let me know what a good boy my horse was, and that they had a very nice ride. That was the second day that I was away. I didn’t get to the barn for a day or two after I got home. When I finally got to the barn, I was shocked, then angry. My friend had been there only one day—the day she texted me. There had been several days of rain. She had been riding in the outdoor ring, and left my saddle Go ahead...Ask da Mare Page 28 April 2020 EAST COAST EQUESTRIAN Ruined Saddle, Ruined Friendship? on the fence at the far end of the ring, near my horse’s stall. Nobody had used the wash stall, so nobody noticed my saddle there. It was moldy, soggy and I am afraid it’s never going to dry out. She also left the bag with all my horse’s brushes and curry combs out. All wet. What do you think I should do? She emailed me the other day asking me how my vacation was, and suggesting we get together soon for lunch. Is it possible she is that clueless? -Saddle Sore Dear Sore… Wow! I am so sorry about your saddle and riding gear. Be- fore you do anything, you should contact the saddle manufacturer and find out the best way to dry the saddle. Next, you should take a couple of deep breaths, think about your friendship and your friend, and try to imagine what could have possessed her to just leave your stuff outside. It seems incredible that a person could be so careless with another person’s things. You and she have obviously been friends for a long time, as she has ridden your horse before. It’s important for your friendship to be candid with her. She wants to get together with you, so it’s kind of obvious that she has no idea that she did something so thoughtless, right? When in doubt, always lead with kindness. That means you should assume your friend would be horrified to realize that she might have ruined your saddle. So, let’s put a reasonable plan together. Find out if indeed your saddle is ruined. The manufacturer can probably give you good informa- tion. Or, a local tack shop (one that is not going to try to sell you a new saddle before trying to save your old one!) might be able to take a look at the saddle and give you some ideas. Once you’ve determined if your saddle can be saved, make time to talk to your friend. Let her know that you appreciated her riding your horse, and, in a non-accusatory way, tell her that she left your saddle out in the rain. Maybe she is dealing with some major problems and was distracted after riding your horse. This might be a very difficult conversation, but it’s important for you, for your friend and for your friendship to be open about how this affect- ed you. Human beings make mistakes. Your friend’s mistake could be costly if you can’t save your saddle. But nobody died. Your horse was not injured. The saddle is a thing—an expensive thing, to be sure—but it’s a thing, nonetheless. If you value your friendship and your friend, you and she will figure out a way to get through this. Dear Mal… You will probably think I’m nuts, but I have recently been in touch with a psychic who has told me that my horse is unhap- py. He said that there are several things bothering my horse, and that my horse needs me to fix these things. I am kind of obses- sive about my horse and always looking for ways to make him happy; that’s why I called this psychic. He was recommended to me by a friend who says he helped her understand why her dog barked all the time. Anyway, he told me that my horse doesn’t like the horses he is turned out with, and that one of them has been picking on him. Also, he said my horse doesn’t get enough hay because the horse that is picking on him keeps chasing him away. This situation makes me feel terrible. I’ve tried to watch what happens when my horse is out in the field and have not seen any horse picking on him. His weight is good, and he doesn’t seem to be any different when I’m riding him. But I can’t stop worrying that he’s getting bullied by other horses. Do you think the horses act differently when I’m not there? Should I talk to the barn manager about this? -Sad Dear Sad… Not sure where to begin, but let’s just start with what we actu- ally know from observation, shall we? You say you’re obsessed with your horse’s happiness. That’s a good thing. You have not seen anything to suggest to you that your horse is being picked on. Another good thing. His weight is good and he seems fine when you’re with him. Good thing. Good thing. I’m trying to figure out what more you need to know. The person who has not seen your horse told you the horse is not happy. But you have not seen any evidence of that—and you see your horse and touch him and ride him. You are the one who knows your horse better than anyone, and you are the one who would recognize signs of stress in him. If you feel that something is wrong with your horse, put that something into words and ask your vet about it. I’m guess- ing that your horse is happy and healthy. A lot of people “project” their feelings onto others. They feel deep sadness or stress and project that onto their co-workers, friends or spouses—or even their horses. Before you call a stranger to ask about your horse’s feelings, maybe you should spend some time thinking about your own feelings. If you’re sad or anx- ious, talk to someone who can help you work through these things. Be happy that your horse is healthy. Enjoy your time with him. And take better care of yourself. Really! Have a question for Mal? Email her at PAEquest@aol. com. Equine parasite resistance to dewormers has become wide- spread and is forcing us to rethink the way we deworm our horses. Penn State’s Equine Parasite Workshop will explain how we got here and what we should do moving forward. Equine Parasite Workshop Planned The program will be offered in West Brandywine Township, PA (Chester County) on April 4. The half-day workshop begins with one hour of lectures cover- ing equine parasite life cycles, resistance to dewormers, drug classes, management strategies, and how to use fecal egg counts (FEC). During the second hour, participants will perform hands- on activities including FEC on your own horse’s manure sample and interpreting FEC data for sample farms. The last hour is for Q&A, extra resources, and more time to run additional FEC samples. Speakers are all from Penn State Extension and include Dr. Danielle Smarsh, Equine Assistant Professor and Exten- sion Specialist; Laura Kenny, Equine Educator; and Betha- ny Bickel, Equine Extension Associate. The cost for the program is $25. To register, call 877-345-0691 or visit https://extension.psu.edu/ equine-parasite-workshop. You will also find an agenda and more details on the website. For ques- tions about the event, contact Laura Kenny (lbk8@psu.edu; 610-489- 4315). To learn more about Penn State Equine Extension programs, visit https://extension.psu.edu/ animals-and-livestock/equine.